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You tried again and felt like a loser? Every time you try harder, but you think everything is wrong. You have tried all the techniques to improve your self-esteem and you still feel sorry for yourself (feel bad). You feel like you are a shadow compared with the successes of others and that you lose every battle.
In the end, you realize that you are missing something that could give you strength and courage. And are you constantly obsessed with the thought that you have no talent and no one notices you?
The more you seek, the more confused you become and the more powerless you feel.
Ever since our birth we are forced to fight for that one lifesaving center and this center is our identity. If we do not know who we are and what our opportunities are, it is hard to set reasonable and achievable goals.
Lack of success brings us not only frustration but also the panic that we will never succeed as others do.
Are you are alone in this battle?
Of course not. For God’s sake, how many brave people are there, who would admit publicly that they are losers? How many of us would even admit to ourselves that truth?
Irony or a joke of life, but everyone goes through the labyrinth of his own fears until he finds what he is searching for. Like the hero who must face various obstacles, puzzles and enemies during his quest. This adventure is the metaphor of searching for our identity. And chaos, fear and loss of faith are part of the “trials”. We call them weakness, but what if we change the focus and look at them from another angle? We may be surprised at what we see.
What lies beyond fear?
A lot of things may lie there. The list can be infinitely long because each of us has his personal experience. The life circumstances that we have faced are different. Lack of support, criticism, external constraints of the environment and our response to them is determining how we can adapt and transcend these barriers.
The good news is that we would never ask the question “Why did it happen?” or “Where I’m wrong?” without having fears. When we question, something deep within us is trying to provoke us to a new beginning. And anyone who asks such a question is about to lead his own path through the woods. If you choose to take the trodden one, it will be much easier, but you would hardly understand who you are and what it is to be unique.
There isn’t a book of guidance. Each of us writes it. Page after page. Until we close the last chapter. During the process, we do not even realize how we have become creators and heroes. But the inspiration of each new page is a sufficient reason not to give up.
Where to start?
Every beginning seems difficult. When you have to make the first step to change, you are paralyzed with fear. Uninvited in your head appears like a shark from an allegedly safe place, the question – „Where to start? What if it fails?“.
Here, in this dramatic situation, it is better to try to change the focus and look at your fears from another perspective.
Each fear has its history. It is like a shadow that follows you everywhere and anytime. Somewhere and somehow this fear was born and it is constantly around you.
Well, what if now you try to imagine that any fear that takes your energy and the will to act is a quality you possess, but you are experiencing resistance to show it to the world. Maybe because once somewhere someone did not encourage you or did not want you to develop this quality. Just because it was convenient for him.
In most cases, we could not recognize these qualities (at least consciously) if we do not look at the hidden dimensions of our authenticity.
Imagine that you go on an adventure which will make you a hero.
Do you have the courage to take the first step?
Who am I?
Everyone has his name, gender, and social role. But this does not mean that we are confident about who we are. Or what? When we ask ourselves “Who am I?” it rather suggests that we are in crisis. “Who I am” is an issue that reminds us that something is wrong. Or you are not happy and satisfied. Probably you do everything for the others, but you have sacrificed your identity. Or you are closed yourself, in a nutshell so that others could not hurt you.
Let’s look at ourselves from a different angle
Imagine that you are alone and you have no responsibilities, no commitments to others or no social roles. What is the first wish that you would make? A longing that you keep within yourself. Forget to judge whether this desire is reasonable or not. At this point, there is no limit to your mind. Do not rush into criticism because it was forced on you once from the outside.
If you start to judge the desire that emerges, this is a sign that, for one reason or another, you are living in two worlds. One of them is outside and you are often playing a role, and the other is within you, and almost no one knows about it. Leave yourself on the wings of imagination. It will then take you where you need to be to start fresh. Yes, fresh, but with yourself.
Well, maybe it is not so easy to remember what you have longed for, but this is the first step towards the roots.
So you will gradually take down from your back the weight of the masks and the roles which forced you to play for your “security” that the others will accept you.
Do you fear that you still do not have a clear vision? It is a good sign! This fear is like a chain that holds you to everything that you got used to. Well, what if you are thinking somehow differently from what you are brought up to? There is nothing wrong with education. The danger lies in the convictions that you have been submitted to and the ideas in which you have to believe. However, do they respond to your identity? In most cases, these are foreign beliefs, and they are not in harmony with yours and become the prerequisite for you to be apathetic or unsatisfied.
Let`s look at that fear again from a different angle
Imagine that you are an actor and you have to play two roles in the same play. And to be more difficult, let the characters have opposite personalities. Perhaps this will be your most difficult performance. But it is also extremely useful because you live with the same two images. Look at them well. Leave yourself to the emotions and thoughts of both the one and the other. Try to feel with which one of them it feels comfortable. Unlike the play, out in the real life you only play one of them, the other is often inconvenient for the others.
The other is hidden and does not appear in daylight, but he lives and speaks in your dreams, personal beliefs and talents. He is hiding in your heart and appears in dreams and imagination.
How to connect with him?
There is no universal method. But you can try to draw him, to correspond with him through letters or a personal diary. You can find him in places where you feel better and where your hobby is.
Only he can give you the answer to the question how to proceed and help you exceed your fear that you are useless.
Call to Adventure
Did you feel it? Do not be discouraged if you have not yet. Everyone has their unique pace of the response. It is the call of the heart, that is ready for something fundamentally new in your life. Of course, this call is already in you for a long time, but you did not have the strength to take it out of the daylight. Maybe it is a talent, ability or a resource that will make you unique. Stay a little longer with this feeling. It is like a shaman song that you heard somewhere once, but with time and responsibilities you have forgotten it. Try to sense again this forgotten rhythm, because this is the rhythm of your heart.
Suddenly the problems in those areas where you feel dissatisfaction, even revolt, become brightened. Slowly, the idea of how to proceed will begin to take shape.
Do not force anything during this process. It is unique for each person. Write down the ideas or insights that come to your mind because they will quickly disappear from your memory. Relax and watch everything around you without analyzing it. This will free your mind of intrusive schemes and will unlock your intuition.
But a serious challenge follows. It will be your sign that you are traveling to the authenticity, and you’re standing in your path. The test, which you will have to overcome, is meeting four fears – demons that always weaken you so that they sabotage your success.
Think about in front of whom and why you feel guilty. Be brave, nobody hears or sees you. See what image appears in your mind. Ask yourself why, when you decide to change something which is bothering you or hurting you, you are starting to feel guilty about offending someone else or that your act is not right.
The answer may shock you. It is not you, who is “bad”, but the one that forces you to feel this way. Of course, if you insult someone without a reason, just because you had a bad day, it is normal to experience guilt. An apology and explanation will always resolve the problem.
But if you constantly feel guilty?
Well, it seems the guy, in front of whom you are the eternal sinner, is playing with you and undervalues your feelings and identity. It is called manipulation. You can not always do things the wrong way. No way. But someone feels convenient to instill that in you.
If you leave yourself to this demon, you will enter into a labyrinth without an exit. The more you try, the “worse” you become. This is the easiest way to sever the relationship with your authenticity. Because a moment occurs when you forget who you are. Or it is better to be no one because it is easier to stand the “blame” this way.
Is there a solution? As each puzzle, there is a solution. We just need a little honesty and courage to face the answer. And it is in front of you.
If you experience constant guilt, you can not make the desired change because of the fear of punishment which numbs you. You bet. Everyone knows about the causality: wrong behavior – guilty – punishment. Sounds familiar, right?
But let`s change the focus again
Accept that you are not children, guided by your parents and by adults. Think about who will punish you and why. If every time you make a personal decision you feel a fear of how others will react, maybe you have surrendered your life in the hands of others.
Each of your actions, inspired form you wish to develop yourself, can’t be wrong. It is a moral crime if someone stops you to act. It seems this person has no interest for you to be different and to have your own opinion.
The irony is that no one can punish you because no one owns neither your mind nor your soul. He can threaten you or take your money or inheritances, etc., but freedom from guilt will be the greatest gift that you can make to yourself.
Otherwise, you become a victim because of someone else’s fear or complex.
And the greatest punishment is that you still have a groundless but destructive guilt.
You just need one step to go beyond this fear too. Make a decision and proceed as you feel it would be good for you, but with full responsibility for the consequences. Nobody said that the consequences will be devastating. They are just a change, not a punishment.
When you think you have taken the wrong decision, you adapt to new circumstances. While adjusting to them, it is okay to feel a little fear and doubt. But they pass like summer rain. And when it goes away, there came the fresh and purified from the filth air.
The joy is great, but there is still an obstacle.
Isolation and loneliness
Here you are another step forward. No longer afraid to look back or to speak openly. But when you show you another face to the world (do you remember the other one inside you), your “loved ones” or “friends” will try to convince you that you made a wrong decision. Even so, it is important that you have chosen to do so. If the advice and edification fail, they will put you in “quarantine” to make you feel rejected.
This fear is probably the most painful and paralyzing your vitality and authenticity. But if you dare to travel within yourself, you have overcome the demons of guilt and punishment, loneliness and isolation are the most productive part of this adventure.
Now you can enjoy the peace and concentrate on the strategy that will take you closer to your authentic mission (or desired change).
The fear that they will reject you grows where there is a dependent relationship, like the one between a strong and a weak, an oppressor, and a victim. The one who respects you does not take your right to choose, nor your freedom. Loneliness can be a crucial stage to clear your mind of false thoughts and attitudes. The joy to stay with yourself and rejoice in your own thoughts, to do everything that brings you pleasure, is the inspiration you have always dreamed of.
The dream is a way to inspiration. Inspiration – a way to passion. Passion awakens courage. Courage builds will. Will fills our heart, which is the only one who can fulfill our dream.
That is the only way to find out how to proceed.
Beyond fears and limitations
Imagine you wake up and you feel that you are filled out with curiosity and energy towards the challenges of the day, instead of the agony and fear of the upcoming.
Make only the first step and you will feel the courage you were always looking for desperately to change your lives.
Each next step is a small success towards authenticity.
If there is “stumble” or you lose confidence in your ability, look back to see that success is following you, not fear. Obstacles are not just a lack of skill or a weakness, on the contrary, they are the challenge to build a new mindset.
Are you ready for an adventure?