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Every time you experience pleasant emotions, you think you have achieved happiness, but unfortunately it does not last that long. Or you fall in love and inspired by passion and you think that you have experienced happiness? But for how long?
When you feel sad or despair, do you believe that you are unlucky? With the wrong attitude, the chance of experience the state of pure happiness is negligible.
You have tried different techniques to think positive. But something went wrong, again. You decide that you are not that type of person who deserves to be happy.
Mixing so many philosophies, religions and all kind of spiritual practices, you have actually forgotten what you are aiming for. You follow certain rules, directions and behavior very strictly. Don’t you, however, reach that moment, when despite all the efforts, discipline and instructions, you come to the point when you forget why you are doing everything and what for?
The thought of suffering as a measure of success and awareness, unconsciously turned you from a normal, happy person to a suffering one.
Scary, isn’t it?
I do not believe that there is guidance or rules on how to become a happy person. But if we manage to assimilate everything we are facing, reading or experiencing, there is a chance to get back in first base of chasing our happiness. And this is a good start. Unburdened by all that different messages, you can explore and find your own reason for frustration (or the feeling that you are unhappy.)
Let us try to change the focus.
Instead of attending seminars, buying philosophical books, etc. why not just let yourself experience rather than streamlining?
You can always find (a rational) explanation why you feel sad, angry or depressed. You can always find out who and why made you feel that way. But that does not always mean that you are done dealing with your emotions. Emotions need to be experienced.
I do not want to give a definition of happiness, simply because a definition will put us into vicious circle of certain expectations. In order to skip these standard definitions, I want to believe that happiness is our own dimension, a figure, a person we have once locked away. We can not even remember that figure or person. But why? Probably because:
Happiness is not a goal or a dream, it is a state of mind.
Yes, happiness might be a condition that is not really stable, but powerful enough to pick you up, when you are drowning. It is one thing to think that you are happy and another to actually experience it. Imagine that happiness as a solid ground on which you can walk. From time to time there are bumps, but they can be avoided. What you can believe in is that there is always something solid to step on.
I am not talking about security that we achieve in the external world, but for the internal conviction that without the bumps on the road our lives would not be interesting or provocative. If you try thinking positive, these bumps on the solid ground will look like mistakes. And if there is a mistake, than you did not act positive or smart enough. And here we go again…
Try to overcome the bump. Do not run from it. Do not try to sidestep it. The bump is in our lives to stimulate us. And when you overcome these bumps and step on the flat ground, you will believe in yourself and the possibility that you can survive all the obstacles on your way. And there are no mistakes. This is a state of mind. Because you overcome and you experience. And this is how you understand that:
Happiness is not something you should be searching for, it unfolds itself.
What if you swap some words in your desire to be happy. Maybe it will sound like this: instead of “I want to find happiness” or “where should I look for happiness”, it will be more inspiring if you use : “I want to evolve myself” or “how should I show all the aspects of my colorful nature”. While you are searching, you lose valuable time to release your body, spirit and soul from prejudices. Because:
Happiness does not come from outside, it is our dimension.
You have probably experienced the devastating pain of loneliness when being rejected and separated from a loved one. And that is the way it should be because we are not psychopaths, castrated from emotions. But it is also as destructive and devastating to think that the person next to you will make you happy. In most cases, you are enjoying the company and attention, but don’t you forget your own center? For everything that gives you pleasure, even when he or she is not around you? For your plans or ideas?
When you are involved in a relationship, you subconsciously reject your beliefs (at least in the beginning of the relationship) to enjoy the passion of closeness.
Do you feel emptiness and fear when the powerful emotions go away? Do you feel emptiness, because you rejected a part of you? Do you feel fear, because you think if your loved one leaves you, you would not be able to live without them? This is probably because:
Happiness is not passion, happiness is love.
In order to transform happiness from passion into love, you should not forget your inner center. This is your identity and solid ground to step on. Whether you are in a relationship, or you are part of a group cause, or you are a workaholic – passion will probably make you an addict. When there is an addiction, the identity is missing. Because:
Happiness is not nonchalance, it is s personal responsibility.
It is the responsibility to be yourself and not letting anybody else take that away from you. Try to imagine the everyday morning kiss of your beloved one is the proof of their love. And one morning the love of your life just doesn’t kiss you. And your world collapses. Just because you did not get your dose of security? I am tempted to ask – is this the type of happiness you were looking for? Or are you trapped in an addiction?
The feeling of nonchalance and endless happiness is wonderful, but you pay the price. I guess it is because you just closed your eyes for your personal responsibility to protect your identity. And then you realize that :
Happiness is not one way street. On the other side of the road there is a crisis.
The fear of losing your solid ground. This is the moment when you start blaming everybody else for your condition. You feel tempted to let somebody else to advise you, comfort you. And this is reasonable. But no one can guarantee you will get your personality and identity back. This is your own personal responsibility. Only you know how to find your inner center. How? I really do not know, but here is a thought:
Happiness is not good luck it is a talent you have.
This is a good place to start when you are in a crisis. Talent is something personal and it is unique. While you are developing it you start to come back to yourself. The joy of every success, even the small steps you take, is an experience no one can give you. Talent is a picture of your identity. While you are developing it you recover part of your identity. That is something no one can take away from you. And now, you already know that:
Happiness is not a coincidence, but an inspiration that motivates you to keep living.
Truly and fully. To live for yourself and for the others. The addiction is gone and you are more capable to see the world and the people around you objectively. The need to have someone to make you happy will sound naïve and infantile. Even if you do not get your morning kiss sometimes, your world won’t collapse, because now you have your solid ground and you already know that the bumps on the road are small, cunning provocateurs that encourage and inspire you to new achievements.